Friday, December 31, 2010

On to the Next One!

Greetings!

Well it looks like 2010 is about to be in the rear view! Unlike 2009, this year flew by. I finished school - a journey I chronicled in this space. I met a lot of new people this year and they complemented a host of other people who have been a part of my life. I found a few folks who had been MIA for a decade or two and when we reconnected it was like time stood still. Tragically I lost three good friends who did not reach 50, but the mark they made on me and others will be their lasting legacy.

For me it reinforced the importance of continuing to celebrate the little things - the birthdays, the good grades, the high school musicals and the WHATEVER. It beats getting bogged down with the trials and tribulations - remember to keep on pushin' and eventually you will make it through.

Happy New Year to those I know, and those I have yet meet.

G

Friday, September 10, 2010

A 21st Century Friend

Social media has redefined the concept of a friend. Sites like Facebook allow you to connect with men and women you are related to, have fallen in and out of love with, and have shared your happiest times and darkest secrets. These tools give you a platform to criticize and signify. It is a virtual mood ring as people post statuses that indicate they hate their job, love their honey, or just elated that God has bestowed boundless blessings upon them. For some it builds brands for others it destroys reputations and relationships. As a networking tool you receive countless requests from people in your past or people who walked by you on a busy street in 1985. For every request that you accept, you allow one more person into your inner sanctum. Twenty-first century friendship….or is it?

True friendship has been the same since the beginning of time. At its core it is an organic process. I am blessed to have the most fascinating group of friends – different ages, colors, nationalities, shapes and sizes. They bring all types of life experiences, some shared with me and some not, that make them a critical part of my circle. Of course no friend is perfect, all of us have our “isms”, but at the end of the day you know you can count on them.

I have not written in a long time. There have been many things I intended to write about, but somehow life got in the way. What drove me to my PC today were conversations this week with four important people in my life – one on the move in Florida who called on a business trip, another halfway across the world via Skype, and a couple in their 70’s just a few miles away from me.

I talked to my friend in Florida about friendship – how many people have so many definitions of friendship. The reality that there are many people that you have shared a season with who will easily forget the ties that bind and how you often hate to see someone’s number come up on your phone because you know he or she wants something. We concluded that it is what it is. I took away that he was not that person - he has stood with me when I could stand and held me up when I couldn’t. Distance has never been an obstacle for us. I am truly grateful for his loyalty and commitment.

My friend halfway across the world consistently provides inspiration. As a creative mind and serial entrepreneur, he has unbelievable vision. Each exchange is a session – one that leaves me with a heightened sense of what could be. The type of brainstorming that goes on is priceless and we both grow because of it. How I am grateful for his creative energy that keeps me on my toes.

The couple I am about to talk about are relative newcomers in my life – the aunt and uncle of someone in my circle who I met in the early part of this century. She has been a frequent recipient of my floral arrangements and in turn has become my floral muse. I could put dandelions together and she would say it was beautiful. Her positive affirmations elevate me on all sorts of levels. Her husband always greets me with a smile on his face and never fails to walk me to my car even though I park right in their driveway! This type of support and caring is priceless.

That’s my personal testimony for this week. None of these encounters involved commenting on a status of writing on someone’s wall – real conversation and genuine interest in who you are and how you are feeling. Friendship to me is all those things – it’s checking in to say “hey – how are you?” It is seeing something that may be beneficial to someone in your circle and passing it on to them. It’s visiting them when they don’t feel that great. It’s providing the type of support that will help them through the challenges and celebrate the successes. It doesn’t have to be done every day, but there must be a concerted effort to make it happen as much as you can. If you are that kind of friend the riches that will come back will be ten-fold….trust me I have experienced this first hand.

Unfortunately I have experienced some of the negatives of this timeless concept called friendship. Do yourself a favor – shake loose folks who are self serving. Run the other way when a “friend” has no regard for your feelings. Show a “friend” the exit when she or he gets brand new because of a new love, new location or new economic status. If it feels lopsided in any way, it is time to check out – he or she really didn’t mean you any good and think about the time you get back for yourself or for those who are truly your FRIENDS.

Post your stories of true friendship.

With that I wish you the best today and always.

G


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

People Stand UP

Greetings,

Here we are in a new decade…a time for reflections and realignment…a need to understand our role in the grand scheme of things. 2010 is a time to pull it together for ourselves, our family, the important people in our lives and our people as a whole.

Before yesterday that would have been the banter of an armchair revolutionary - something that is said at the beginning of the year, repeated during Black History Month, and quickly forgotten in March.

Today we are looking in the face of disaster. There is an undetermined number of casualties and injured in Haiti. Buildings in the capital have been leveled and the airport has sustained extensive damage preventing access in to the country. People are trying to reach loved ones and communication channels have been shut down.

We are familiar with disaster – 9/11, the 2004 tsunami, and hurricane Katrina in 2005. There is one shameful distinction in this tragedy – Haitian brothers and sisters can not take in their relatives and offer refuge while the country is stabilized. It’s no secret that darker people face unfair challenges relating to access to this country. It can take months and years to be able to visit loved ones, go to school or to embark on the “American dream.”

I have personally known some heroic folk that have gone into the trenches to help people in need. I am proud of them but don’t expect everyone to be willing or able to take such extraordinary measures. So I am asking all brothers and sisters of all walks of life to do four things in the short term:

1 - Visit and bookmark Wyclef Jean’s website -http://wyclefjean.wordpress.com/2010/01/13/statement-by-wyclef-jean-on-haiti-earthquake/ for updates from the front line. He has boarded a plane to the Dominican Republic so that he can make his way to his homeland. He’s been tirelessly working for Haiti and needs support now!

2 - Donate money through the Yele Earthquake Relief Fund http://www.yele.org/ or by texting Yele to 501501. A text will charge $5 to your monthly phone bill. You can also donate through the Red Cross http://www.redcross.org/

3 - Contact your United States senator by phone or e-mail and demand an emergency amnesty program that will enable Haitian Americans to provide temporary refuge to family members

4 - Wait before you begin assembling clothing donations until the Red Cross and the Haitian government have determined the appropriate transportation and logistics for such an effort. It’s all about the money right now and every dollar will help

Pray AND take action.

With that, I wish you all the best today and always.

G

Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010 - The Next Episode

Here goes – 2009 was the most challenging year of my adult life.

First the loss: my mother, my sister-friend’s mother, Michael Jackson, and Ted Kennedy. Two people I actually knew and shared time with and two others who shaped my life and countless others without even knowing my name. Others included one coworker from a job I had a lifetime ago and the most recent – A good guy and longtime employee at the flower exchange whose single vehicle car crash on the way to work Christmas Eve resulted in two young girls losing their dad during the holidays. There were some near misses with some people close to me battling serious and chronic illnesses that at times left their lives in peril.



Now the truth: life happens all day, everyday. What can you do about that? Not a thing – you just have to jump in and ride “it” until the wheels fall off. What I discovered in this year of transition is that not every situation is for you and sometimes you have to look at it and let it go. Not every person is right for you – that includes spouses, near-spouses, never to be spouses, family, friends, business partners, and colleagues. Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from entities that are not helping you be your BEST self. What does that mean - people and situations that help you to be physically and mentally healthy, strong and a positive force here on this earth. If you are always in a complex space, that means something or someone is making it hard for you to keep it simple! If you are the one adding to the complication with jealousy, naysaying, hateration, and narrow focus, be man or woman enough not to let your insecurities get in the way of someone else’s light.



What’s next – as always the chapter has not been written, however, I am doing whatever I can to build a solid foundation for the next episode. I have completed my requirements for my MBA which opens up new doors. I am also taking a good long look at people and situations in my life and making sure I am the best I can be for others without being weighed down by the unnecessary burdens and dramas of others. It’s a liberating space to be in and I hope that all of you will aim to get there and be happy in it.



Here’s to all those have been a part of Team “G”. It’s with love and complete gratitude that I wish you all the best in this next decade.



G

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Don't Let Me be Misunderstood...

Greetings!

It’s been a while since I touched this page – in the context of this page, time has flown in other aspects I feel like I am going in perpetual motion with time seemingly standing still. I have an understanding of this paradox so it doesn’t consume me. I just wish that I could bottle the “slow release” time and sell it for those occasions when you want time to stand still – a concert of your favorite artist, good times spent with friends and better times spent with someone you love….it would sure come in handy!

Last Friday, I watch VH1 THS (formerly True Hollywood Stories). They profiled Lil Wayne. Now for most people in my generation, there is no understanding Lil Wayne – tats al over his body, a 24 carat grill and wild erratic behavior that is sometimes staged and other times drug/alcohol induced. What was revealed was a person who had reverence for the heavyweights in his industry and worked hard to earn the respect and admiration of his peers and his fans. This documentary also detailed the work he did for his hometown New Orleans. Not just writing checks – out in the field, assessing what needed to be done and working with his people to make it happen. He winds up with three Grammy awards for Tha Carter III which contains the song Misunderstood – a soliloquy directed at Reverend Al Sharpton and the Wayne naysayers that samples the legendary Nina Simone’s haunting rendition of the song, Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood.

Fast forward to Saturday and enters Serena Williams. Her competitive nature is a gift and a curse. If anyone has followed even a little bit of her career, you know that she does not like to lose! She doesn’t even want to take a loss from her sister. She admittedly went too far as she cracked that racket and clenched that tennis ball as she took two gangster strides over to the official. However we can’t allow an incident like this to cloud her athletic accomplishments and her tireless efforts to show girls in our community what it looks like to be a motivated, strong and smart black woman. Every young girl should want to have half her drive because it would benefit our entire community. This incident is a teachable moment on all levels – being able to defend yourself without being defensive is not something that comes naturally to humans especially ones that have been historically oppressed because of gender or race. I got mad for Serena when that official said that Serena said that she was going to kill her. Now if that was a different time, Serena would have found herself underneath a jail or dangling from a tree based on the incendiary comments of someone who felt “threatened.” Instead she was able to correct this allegation real time in front of millions of people. Now unfortunately she is going to be impacted financially. In addition some of the attention from her upcoming book tour will be overshadowed by these recent events, but hopefully she will recover and pass this lesson along to anyone who needs its.

So I can’t complete this piece without addressing Kanye West. Here is Taylor Swift – a 19 year old country music star who definitely did not think she was going to win a VMA. She is giddy like someone who just crowned prom queen and was about to rattle a stream of thank you’s before Kanye commandeered the mike. He was wrong for doing that – no doubt about it. Taylor Swift could have really let that impact her game but she performed flawlessly a few minutes later. She even thought that he was up there for her and was honored that Kanye was on the stage with her. He on the other hand was driven by a blind obsession for Jay Z and the Roc-A-Fella family and took that opportunity to defend the honor of the first lady of the “Roc”. After listening to countless reports and reading the chatter on Facebook, I could not help but feel like it is way easier to make him the villain then to try to figure out what’s really going on. This dude came to the VMA with a liter of Hennessy in tow. He has been prone to outbursts, but this one seemed to cross the line for a whole heap of folks. So then you have to ask yourself – is this just some obnoxious ego maniac who is so intoxicated with his own success that he has no edit button OR is this someone who is possibly battling an undiagnosed or untreated mental illness due to a traumatic accident and the unexpected and tragic loss of his mother?

As I rode home yesterday, the CD changer shuffled in the car and suddenly Nina Simone was again pleaing – “Please don’t let me be misunderstood….” That sealed the deal for me – I had to look at these situations and public figures with a different lens. It is too easy to point a finger and judge instead of seeing the real possibility that there are underlying issues that are driving people to soar or to sink in an abyss. It is my hope that if you see someone in your circle that needs your help or understanding that you too will adjust the lens and reach out your hand.

With that, I wish you all the best today and always.

G


Friday, May 22, 2009

Time, Milestones, and Transition

It’s been a long time since I even opened this page much less posted an entry. As I look back at the last date, January 18, 2009, it seems like a lifetime ago. In so many ways, time has flown since that day and in so many others ways, time has been moving at a snail’s pace. How it affects a person depends on the good and bad that occurs on any given day. My recent peaks and valleys have heightened my understanding of this mystery.

March 10 started like any other day – I was working from home so I woke up really early to work for awhile before getting my mother’s breakfast. Periodically I checked in with her between the two homecare workers who helped her when she was home during the day. There were two big differences on this day – I was home that evening because of spring break and my mother suffered a heart attack that would end life as I knew it. Because I was home I did everything I could to revive her and then EMTs came in and took over. These heroic efforts brought my mother back to life, however she never regained consciousness – she left this earthly life on March 19, 2009.

From the moment she drew her last breath I knew that my life was going to be different. What “different” is remains a day to day experience. My tears were the heaviest surrounding decisions about her care – always wanting to do the right thing, wanting her to be able to weigh in. Once the outcome became clear there was a sense that all had been done and it was time to let my mother assume her rightful place in heaven alongside our family members who had gone before her. Tears still come - not for the tragedy of this unexpected loss, but for the good times I had hoped to share with her.

Tomorrow would have been my mother’s 82nd birthday. Last year we celebrated in Connecticut on the “casino circuit”. This was quite an accomplishment because in 2007 she fought hard to recover from a life altering illness. It was her first time out of the state after her recovery and her first time in the casino. We had a great time just like many of the adventures we took when I was growing up.

When the ball dropped ushering in 2009, my mother turned to me and said “thank you for sticking by me”. In February, I told my mother – “Great things are going happen and I want you there right beside me.”

Great things will still happen and with me she still is.

Happy Birthday to my mother – the most phenomenal woman I will ever know.

All the best today and always.

G

Sunday, January 18, 2009

An Armchair View of History

Greetings!

I have often used this space to sing the praises of President-elect Obama. I have had countless conversations with believers and non-believers alike. The dialog made me stronger because you sure have to have a thick skin and a bag of verbal tricks when you are trying to convince folks that a new day is a comin’. I still walk on clouds when I see how Obama confidentially chooses his cabinet and responds to the critical issues of the day with the type of finesse never seen of any incoming president, ever.

Regretfully, I could not make it to Washington D.C. to witness the euphoria first hand. However, I had to weigh my commitments and responsibilities against the desire to be right there with the rest of my comrades who helped to make this day possible. Commitment and responsibility won out. It doesn’t sadden me though – I get to watch “The Moment” with the most important person in the world to me…my mother.

My mother is 81 years old and was born in the South during a time when segregation was alive and well. It was my mother who came north to join her siblings to improve her quality of life. In making that move, she improved my life by default. Although I was born in a very volatile time in civil rights history, I, like Barack Obama stand on the shoulders of my mother and other revolutionary and evolutionary ancestors who sought to make it better for generations to come. I am grateful that my mother has lived to see this day and I am HONORED to share “The Moment” with her.

So for everyone that I know that is in the area, enjoy your time and soak in the experience. Take plenty of pictures and carry a note book to chronicle this event.

Just remember one thing - January 21, 2009 is when the real work will begin.


With that, I wish you all the best today and always.

G