For Those Left Behind

It’s been awhile and a lot has happened since I was last here…

Death has managed to reverberate throughout my existence for the last few weeks. I was blessed because it did not affect my family, however, it did touch my friends and in a couple of instances, they were people that I knew in my past lives.

On February 19, my good friend’s aunt passed away from a long battle with cancer.

A few months ago on the weekend before Columbus Day, two people, both 20, lost their lives in a one car accident caused by driver who had been drinking heavily all night. As soon as I heard the name of one of the victims, I felt the connection. For the next couple of months, I tried to locate her father to confirm what I thought might be true. A couple of weeks ago my old boyfriend called and let me know that it was indeed his daughter. I was not around her that much, but I had vivid memories of her when she was a baby. Her dad was devastated. This devastation was not foreign to me because I have the unfortunate distinction of knowing the parents or loved ones of three other 20 year olds that lost their lives in car accidents in the last three years. There is no more hurtful feeling to see a young person so unnecessarily cut down in their prime.

The next day, I was on my way home when I got a call from one of my childhood friends. She asked me to reach out to one of the people from the old neighborhood. Apparently her sister, who we ran with us when were kids, was very ill. As I returned to work the next hour, I got another call letting me know that my childhood friend had died at the age of 44. This was only eight months after her and her sister buried their mother. I had not seen her or her mother since 1982.

Two days later I received a letter in the mail. I did not recognize the name on the return address. I read the letter, which was from a former coworker’s husband - my coworker from so long ago had passed away of lung cancer back in 2006. This loss struck me particularly hard because Jean went out of her way to stay in touch with me at least once a year. This tradition went on long after we left the company. She would share snippets about her husband, children and grandchildren. She would always respond to my news by telling me that I was going to be the next Oprah. According to the naysayers, we should have never been friends in the first place - Jean grew up in South Boston in the height of desegregation. We never dwelt on those things – she was just a beautiful person who saw the good in everyone! I felt honored that her husband felt our relationship was important enough to take the time to tell me about his wife's passing.

This trend of sadness continued on February 24, when a good friend of mine lost his brother unexpectedly. He was a single dad raising his daughters and trying to hold it all down. Sickness took him down and he had not even made it to 40 years old. No older brother, mother or father wants to bury the baby, and there was a true sense of loss that could be felt in every conversation with his family members.

I recount these tales of sadness for two reasons. I learned valuable lessons about taking care of your business and staying connected. I think that all of us should prepare for the inevitable. Lots of people do not want to talk about it, but it alleviates a lot of stress when you share IN WRITING your final wishes about your finances, your children, who should be notified of your passing, and any tokens or treasures you would like to pass on to your loved ones. The second and most important lesson is while you are here – never miss an opportunity to reach out to people who made a difference in your current and past lives. So often we all get caught up in this and that and lose focus on the relationships that we have forged over the years. We always figure that there will be a next day or a next year to look forward to and that is not always the case. You may never be able to keep up with every single person that you have known from the cradle until now, but pick one person a week and pick up the landline or mobile phone, type that text message, send an e-mail or snail mail, and let them know that they counted in your life.

Condolences to all who were affected by the stories I have shared. The transition is harder for those who are left to carry on, but rest assured it the pain goes away with time...

With that I wish you all the best today and always.

G