Time, Milestones, and Transition

It’s been a long time since I even opened this page much less posted an entry. As I look back at the last date, January 18, 2009, it seems like a lifetime ago. In so many ways, time has flown since that day and in so many others ways, time has been moving at a snail’s pace. How it affects a person depends on the good and bad that occurs on any given day. My recent peaks and valleys have heightened my understanding of this mystery.

March 10 started like any other day – I was working from home so I woke up really early to work for awhile before getting my mother’s breakfast. Periodically I checked in with her between the two homecare workers who helped her when she was home during the day. There were two big differences on this day – I was home that evening because of spring break and my mother suffered a heart attack that would end life as I knew it. Because I was home I did everything I could to revive her and then EMTs came in and took over. These heroic efforts brought my mother back to life, however she never regained consciousness – she left this earthly life on March 19, 2009.

From the moment she drew her last breath I knew that my life was going to be different. What “different” is remains a day to day experience. My tears were the heaviest surrounding decisions about her care – always wanting to do the right thing, wanting her to be able to weigh in. Once the outcome became clear there was a sense that all had been done and it was time to let my mother assume her rightful place in heaven alongside our family members who had gone before her. Tears still come - not for the tragedy of this unexpected loss, but for the good times I had hoped to share with her.

Tomorrow would have been my mother’s 82nd birthday. Last year we celebrated in Connecticut on the “casino circuit”. This was quite an accomplishment because in 2007 she fought hard to recover from a life altering illness. It was her first time out of the state after her recovery and her first time in the casino. We had a great time just like many of the adventures we took when I was growing up.

When the ball dropped ushering in 2009, my mother turned to me and said “thank you for sticking by me”. In February, I told my mother – “Great things are going happen and I want you there right beside me.”

Great things will still happen and with me she still is.

Happy Birthday to my mother – the most phenomenal woman I will ever know.

All the best today and always.

G